Closet Case Husbands: How To Keep Fooling Your Wife

My current reading assignment is called "The Gay Husband Checklist for Wives Who Wonder". I figure that since many of my visitors are also husbands, it may be useful to compile information on how wives become suspicious of their husband's secret lives. The author of this book is a councellor for women whose world has been turned upside-down upon discovering their husband's true nature. I have taken her checklists for how to spot a gay man posing as straight, and I came up with tips on how not to be discovered.

I sympathize with gay husbands, since it is not easy to lead a deep undercover life. If a spy was told that they had to maintain the ruse of being totally devoted to their wives for the rest of his life for a mission, I would expect that their would be a very strong motivation for success, like money or fear of death. But for whatever reason, staying on the down-low is the goal, and I hope my following tips help you to maintain the status quo.

1. Have regular penetrative sex with your wife.

A spiral decline of sex after marriage is the top of the list. You should plan to have sex at least once a week, or at least initiate as often as possible. Wives expect their straight husbands to be more sexual than themselves, so if she refuses, keep insisting. Always be a little more sexually agressive than she is. Uninterested husbands smell like homo.

2. Never talk about past your homosexual experiences, even if you say it wasn't for you.

This is also a big no-no, and can certainly cast suspicion somewhere down the road. Since many men have lousy first encounters with other men (due to nervousness, inexperience, etc.), it doesn't mean that you might not like it the next time (in her eyes).

3. Do not be overly negative towards gays

Overcompensation by hating gays is easy, because a gay husband does not want to be gay, and their self-hatred can raise eyebrows when overdone. Keep cool, and instead be neutral about the whole subject. Don't slip up by being emotional.

4. Do not shy away from her vagina.

Most gays are turned off by vagina, and straight guys are turned on at the mere idea. So practice your 'I'm getting excited' face and purge all disgusted reactions, as women are extremely sensitive and vulnerable to you. Remember, you are straight, so act the part.

5. Take your time to make love to her, properly.

'Going through the motions' is easily detected, so make sure you repeat in your mind a mantra to stay focused, such as "I love you so much, you make me feel so good; I want to be with you the rest of my life"

Meaningless 'obligation' sex breeds even more suspicion, so make sure you can pull this off accordingly. The lack of passion indicates something is wrong, and she won't rest until she finds out why.

As you can see, when life is about keeping up with appearances, notice how being yourself and being happy are never mentioned. They are the ultimate sacrifices for mission success. The thought of being exposed is one of the most horrible thing when you are hiding. Perhaps a new appreciation for gays who are out of the closet is necessary: openly gay people have courage, bravery and guts to be who they are. They don't call it gay pride for nothing! Gay husbands can be brave and strong too, it is birthright of being homosexual.

So to all my brothers and sisters in hiding, I wish you luck in your mission. If you are going to do it, at least do it right. Also, clean out your internet history, change passwords often, and delete text messages right after you read them. She will search your phone and computer for definite clues; don't let her find a thing.

Apologies in advance, this is not meant to be inflammatory. My only goal is to help in any way I can.

Keep in touch my friends!

Ronielle over and out